13 Nov A good divorce
There are irreconcilable differences. Your marriage is broken and cannot be repaired. The petition for
the dissolution of marriage is filed. Now it is time for you to agree on how to divide your assets, debt
and child support and responsibilities.
A court trial is costly and traumatic for everyone involved. If you and your partner can agree to split
amicably and negotiate terms calmly, it is possible to have a ‘good divorce.’
But, how to do this?
It starts with a decision. It starts by focusing on the bigger picture. It starts by putting the needs of
your children first. It is possible to negotiate divorce terms peacefully if you decide to mutually respect
each other and to strive for a really good divorce.
How to divorce in a good way
Here are a few tips on how to have a good divorce:
- Reveal all and act in good faith
Be complete and truthful in your dealings with your spouse, especially when discussing financial
matters. Disclose all debts, bank accounts, your income, etc, and be open about it. In this way,
everything can be resolved peacefully.
- Put your children first
Remember the day that your first child was born and you were parents for the very first time? You
knew that you will love and treasure that little bundle forever.
Your child is still your child and he/she will also be the child of your spouse in all the years to come.
Decide to be good co-parents, even if you are divorced. It can be one of the best gifts to ever give your
What is best for your children? Decide this as parents, not against each other as litigants.
- Decide against confrontation
Find a lawyer that would not make divorce proceedings confrontational. By its very nature, the process
of divorce can get heated.
If you need an attorney to help you resolve issues, make sure that the person knows that you and your
spouse want an amicable divorce and that you don’t want the process to be drawn out.
Amicable means ‘civil’. It does not mean that you and your spouse have to be friends when everything is over. But, you can decide not to fight over everything and try to resolve sticky issues peacefully together with an attorney. There will be differences – we all are human. But, let your focus be on negotiation, not war.
- Design a treaty
Separate your emotions from the negotiations. Keep the end result in mind: You want a fair and
reasonable settlement for both parties.
Decide that your divorce process will follow rules of diplomacy and peaceful discussions. Don’t let the
desire for revenge play out here in bad decisions and a long, drawn-out divorce. It is not necessary.
- Nobody wins
Accept that an amicable divorce means that you don’t have to be 100% happy with all of the outcomes
of the negotiations with your spouse. You win some, you lose some. In the end, the aim must be that both of you can live with the outcome of your divorce settlement.
A good divorce is not a painless divorce. All divorces entail pain.
A good divorce is a civil process where the focus is on negotiation, fewer court visits, reduced costs, less
trauma on children and a quicker process. End your marriage as it started: with hope for the future.